


The Spirit of Your Soul

by SeleneJessabelle12626



Series: Musings of the White Wolf [3]
Category: Black Panther (2018), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie) Compliant, Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie) Spoilers, Companion Piece, Erik Has Feelings, Erik Killmonger Lives, Spoilers, so much crying
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-03
Updated: 2018-05-03
Packaged: 2019-05-01 11:05:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 604
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14519142
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SeleneJessabelle12626/pseuds/SeleneJessabelle12626
Summary: Companion to Musings of the White Wolf.Erik finds Okoye on her knees in the jungle, sobbing into her hands with a pile of dirt and ash in front of her, and he knows immediately that with one battle they had lost the war.





	The Spirit of Your Soul

**Author's Note:**

> Do you know what's worth fighting for  
> When it's not worth dying for?  
> Does it take your breath away  
> And you feel yourself suffocating?  
> Does the pain weigh out the pride?  
> And you look for a place to hide?  
> Did someone break your heart inside?  
> You're in ruins
> 
> When you're at the end of the road  
> And you lost all sense of control  
> And your thoughts have taken their toll  
> When your mind breaks the spirit of your soul  
> Your faith walks on broken glass  
> And the hangover doesn't pass  
> Nothing's ever built to last  
> You're in ruins
> 
> -21 Guns, Green Day

Erik finds Okoye on her knees in the jungle, sobbing into her hands with a pile of dirt and ash in front of her, and he knows immediately that with one battle they had lost the war.

She spits and claws at him the moment he places a gentle hand on her shoulder, shouting anguished profanities at him and calling him names and insults he hasn’t heard in over a year. He wrangles her into an embrace, holding her tight to his chest and not even a little surprised with the fact that he has to tap into the herb’s strength to do so. He holds her until she stops fighting and resigns herself to what has happened, tears wetting his shoulder as she weeps for her King.

Across the clearing he sees the other Avengers, the Outsiders that had brought this threat to Wakanda, all in their own states of shock and misery. His eyes fall to Captain America and the man looks at him with an expression of such utter defeat that Erik doesn’t even need to ask to know that he has lost two of the most important people in his life today.

He closes his eyes and just listens to the sounds of pain echoing across Wakanda. The feeling of tears welling beneath the surface is unwelcome and unfamiliar, he hasn’t cried since he was a kid all the way back in Oakland, the night that started him on his journey.

“I’m sorry.” The Captain says gruffly and Erik meets his eyes but stays silent, refusing to accept the apology that won’t bring back T’Challa or Bucky, as Okoye laments in his arms.

The sun is beginning to set as people across the battlefield begin to pick themselves up and accept that their friends and loved ones aren’t coming back. He helps Okoye sweep what remains of his cousin into a small bag, their hands trembling the entire time. And he watches silently as Captain America does the same with the ashes that had been Bucky, Erik keeps his anger and regrets to himself.

They find Shuri unconscious in the lab, lying on the lowest floor with her eyes shut. Erik’s gaze falls to the pile of ash not too far away from her and recalls the Dora that had stayed behind to protect the Princess.

Okoye runs to hold Shuri, crying tears of relief onto her cheeks and forehead. Shuri blinks awake and asks, “What happened?” Erik barely hears her over Okoye’s thanking of the Ancestors that Shuri is alive.

He thinks for a long time about how to break the news to the teenager. That her brother and who could be considered her best friend are dead, no bodies even left to bury. That he wasn’t there in time to help save them. That there was likely nothing that could’ve been done. That she is Queen now, because he wouldn’t dare mention the challenge after everything he’d done to her and Wakanda.

In the end she doesn’t need his words, his expression enough to convey the tragedy. Okoye’s tears turn back to mourning as tears begin to run down Shuri’s cheeks silently. She looks too shocked to even make a sound as they run like rivers.

He watches the sunset through the window, recalling the last time he had mourned and the way the sunset had looked then. The sunsets in Oakland had never been all that pretty and usually Wakanda was different, tonight however, as the trees in the distance smoldered and bodies both human and non littered the battlefield, he thinks this might almost be worse.

**Author's Note:**

> Special thanks (or not) to Mannymd90 who put this thought into my head. 
> 
> It's not as long as it probably could have been but I was depressing myself writing any more of this. Man, this is why I don't write angst that often, it bums me the hell out.


End file.
